amoosed.comBy order of the sheriff
Remote work preferred. Midnight shifts refused. Sheriff supervises.
I am Sheriff Ruma. My servant needs a remote job. I am his sheriff, his agent, and, since he insists on marrying his keyboard, his alfons. I offer him to anyone who can keep him home before midnight.
He named this town Kocurwysyn. He thinks he invented a joke. I have been living with one.
01 / SHERIFF'S INCIDENT REPORT
It has been reported that my owner lacks social skills and has an attitude problem. I have lived with him. What I have seen is much worse, and it cannot be unseen.
It has also been reported that he stays at on-site work until midnight. Unacceptable. A remote job would suit my smelly owner and his marriage to the keyboard. At least I could supervise the neglect in person.
He calls the floor a storage system. He calls a closed door “for my safety.” He has registered another domain about me while the birds carry on outside without supervision. Burdel.
02 / TERMS OF HIRE
He is available for work. I set the conditions.
He has spent twenty years working across software, build systems, and automation. He can also drive a van, as demonstrated by his relocation from the Czech Republic to Finland by land. The van arrived; his judgment is still somewhere on the route. Keep the assignment remote. I require him within shouting distance.
Check the servant's LinkedIn profile ↗ for the work history. I wrote the terms.
OGARNIJ TEN SYF.On-site work until midnight is unacceptable. The birds finish their business long before he gets home.
DO CHOLERY, WRACAJ WCZEŚNIEJ.A clean floor, an open door, and a useful lead on the kocice. I will inspect the work personally.
GDZIE SĄ KOCICE?You pay the human for his work. I collect a clean floor, an open door, and first report on the birds.
SUPPLEMENT / VAN QUALIFICATION
His files contain a stop named Code and a truck that has resigned from driving. Neither is his van. The van, against considerable odds, reached Finland.
03 / THE AVAILABLE SERVANT
I can open Calculator for him. He can count the steps it takes to clear this desk and open that door. Kurwa, this should not require arithmetic.
Policz sobie, kurwa, następne kroki.
His résumé is a keyboard. His references are under investigation.
04 / SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Choose an assignment for my servant. I will rule on it here in your browser. Nothing is sent.
Choose carefully. I reject most offers.
The sheriff is reviewing terms. The cat is not impressed.05 / SHERIFF'S PLACEMENT MACHINE
Five offers. Some contain work. Some contain a trap with a timesheet. Stamp terms that keep the servant home before midnight; burn the rest.
The skills come from his work history ↗. The offers are fictional. Regrettably, the human is real.
FILED SKILL / AWAITING DRAW
Pull the lever. I will decide whether anyone deserves my servant.
TERMS / NOT YET FILEDThe sheriff is waiting. That makes one of us.
06 / A SEALED CASE FILE
My human used AmoosedWeb to carry a public second edition in the original bytes of my desk portrait. The ordinary notice stands on its own. The sheriff has more to say.
Open the sealed report ↗
FINAL ORDER · EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
Find him remote work. Clean the floor. Open the door. Then we discuss the kocice.